WHY I STILL WANT TO LIVE ALONE WHEN I AM MARRIED...
So, I can imagine that some of you are totally blown away by the title of this post... I mean, boy meets girl, boy loves girl, girl loves boy... and then it all goes really quickly and before you know it, you're all up in each others face, he's peeing while you're brushing your teeth and then the rest is history really.
But, not everyone likes the idea of spending every day and every night with their partner, and I am definitely one of those people. Even going to work doesn't break up that constant 'togetherness' and I just can't think of anything worse than seeing someone every day of my life...and honestly, I don't care who that person is.
Now that doesn't mean that you love the person any less or that you don't like spending time with them. In actual fact, (and some of you may relate) it means that I enjoy their company so much that I want to continue to enjoy it, everyday, for the rest of my life, but not literally (if you feel me).
I've experienced life on both sides of the spectrum (excluding the married part), and I can honestly say that I have been my happiest in a relationship when I have not lived with my partner. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing like cuddling up to the person you love at night time...but there's also nothing like your own breathing space; and I just won't compromise on that.
But, why on earth would someone feel like this? Well it's simple, and I am going to talk you through all of the reasons why I feel like I would prefer to live separately when I am married...
1. I NEED SPACE TO REFLECT ON MYSELF AND LIFE
"But you can do that when you live together too"... But can you? Really? How often?
No two situations are the same, so if you currently live with your partner and feel like you have your own personal space and the ability to reflect on life at the same time, I salute you. But in my reality, I am the kind of person that needs that inner peace to come forth into my outer world. Basically, a part of me has the desire to just be alone sometimes. Being alone with myself and my thoughts stirs up a great feeling of emotion inside me that I don't always get when I am always around people.
I strongly believe that living alone keeps me feeling alive. After all, there was a Saphron before there was a Saphron and [Insert future husbands name here], so living alone allows me to make sure that even when I become one with someone, I am still one in myself outside of that (if that even makes sense?).
Point blank...sometimes I just want to be on some 'me' sh*t... not everyday 'US'. Even though technically, it is every day 'US'.
2. I HATE ROUTINE
Anyone else hate doing the same things over and over again? Interesting. Well, I don't necessarily hate doing the same thing over and over, but I do really dislike doing the same thing, in the same way, over and over again.
For example, most of us work Monday to Friday between 9am-5pm and then have our days off on the weekends. A lot of us even wake up at the same time everyday, brush our teeth at the same time, eat at the same time and so forth. In my books, there is nothing that sounds as boring and as stagnant as that. In no way am I judging those of you who do love a bit of routine, because that's you and you are special for that. But me personally, I like to mix it up every now and then because I will go insane otherwise.
By my husband having his own pad I feel like it would be a lot easier to break away from the routines and to establish new ones on a daily basis! He can cook for me on a Tuesday at his, Netflix & chill at mine on a Thursday and then whisk me away for the weekend on a Friday... LOL. Ok, so that may be slightly unrealistic because most of you already know that if I could I would only see my husband on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday (LOL), but that's a post for another time. P.s YES I still want to Neflix and Chill when I'm married...
3. WE WILL RESPECT EACH OTHER MORE
I also strongly believe (from experience) that you are likely to respect someone more when they have their own sh*t and their own space...100%. Not that people (including me) mean to, but if things get a bit tense or strained in a relationship in any area, (i.e financial, emotional etc) and particularly if one person is contributing more to the relationship than the other, it can totally change the dynamic of the relationship and even how you treat each other. This can be because one can become too dependent on the other and therefore could potentially result in loss of respect. Unfortunately, you would like to think it doesn't happen, but ultimately, it happens all the time.
Also, most people are more attracted to a partner who can stand on their own two feet and provide for themselves in all ways. On the flip side, some also prefer not to be the provider and don't mind if their other half is doing the providing since they have no problem assuming this role in a relationship.
4. ABSENCE AND APPRECIATION
I don't know about you, but absence definitely makes my heart grow fonder. I love to know that a lack of presence can be felt between two people when they aren't around each other, and this can totally have the opposite effect when you are always around someone.
As bad as it sounds, I am totally more appreciative of something when it isn't always within grasp or my face so to speak. Marriages aren't easy (I say it like I've been married for 20 years, or at all for that matter...but whatever), and like all relationships, they require nurturing (or watering as I like to call it) frequently. To me, this statement also includes giving yourself time AWAY from the relationship to see and appreciate it for what it is meant to be...a union between two people because of (and for) love.
5. IF SH*T GETS REAL...
Let's face it, we've all been been in a situation where we've contemplated accidentally stepping on our partners feet really hard because they've totally p*ssed us off...
Oh... k... only me? Well that's besides the point. What I am getting at is that since my husband would have his own place, if we ended up getting into it for any reason it means that instead of wallowing in the tension around the house, we are able to once again have our own space to reconnect with mother nature and return to any disagreements in a zen-like manner once we have worked them through (ALONE) in our minds. Take it from me; there is nothing cool about living in silence or having to be in someone's presence that you'd rather not be around. It happens! No slamming of the kitchen cupboards around here!
Both of us having our own place would mean that if we ever did have a heated argument, we are able to cool off in our own zone or, if more serious of an argument (i.e leading to a breakup), a plan B to fall back on at least.
I generally take an optimistic view towards all things in life, including relationships. But I am also aware that sometimes things just don't work out. If ever there came a time that sh*t got real and my marriage was coming to an end, atleast I still have my sh*t together at the bare minimum, and so does he. I am not going to elaborate on this point as I don't want to put too much of my energy into the negative "might be's", because when I marry it will (hopefully) be for life.
I know some of you might feel like this is a pessimistic view to have, as it would appear that I am already planning for a breakup, but I can't say I agree because I have so many reasons for preferring to live separately aside security.
But lastly, and I know some of you have probably been wondering how I would make this arrangement work with kids? Well, I've got it all thought out...
Obviously, having children with my husband would cause our separate living arrangements to change (temporarily) initially. This would be where I am open to compromising on the living situation for a short while because it would simply be for ease, and also because a) I am not waking up for night feeds on my own and b) I would like my kids to experience as much stability as they can in the early (and all) stages of their lives.
BUT, as soon as I feel like the time is right again (and when the kids are old enough to comprehend why the living arrangements are as they are)...off he trots with the kids on the occasional weekend so that I can relax at a spa or host ladies night at my place! I can just imagine it now, sending them on their merry way to 'daddies house' so that I can listen to myself breathe and remind myself that my name is Saphron and not just Mum.
What do you think about separate living arrangements as a couple? Could you be tempted by this way of living or do you think you prefer to live under one roof? Dying to hear your thoughts on this!